When everything sucks
I am grateful for no-toothache
At our support group last week we discussed confronting our thoughts of giving up, saying fuck everything, and what we can do under those circumstances.
When we do our group check-in, we go in a circle and each person expresses their “rose and thorn” for the week. The “rose” is something pleasant that we experienced, and the “thorn” is something that’s bothering us. This week, I was all thorns. Several frustrating miscommunications had happened (hello, life as an autistic person!) and they were all I could focus on. Disappointment was the water I was swimming in.
As I sat there complaining, a special thing happened. Proof of a new, more positively rewired brain emerged from the hot garbage attitude I had drowned myself in. I was about to resign myself to the thought that I had no “rose” for the week, and not a millisecond later, my brain reminded me that I’m a grateful fucking person now. I spent a long time in early recovery writing a gratitude list every day, researching the scientific benefits of this practice, and rolling with the punches on days that I thought I had nothing to be grateful for.
Instead of saying “I have no rose,” I said “I’m grateful my car isn’t broken down. I’m grateful I’m not hung over. I’m grateful I have no toothache.”
Being grateful for no-toothache is something I learned from Buddhism, and more specifically from Thich Nhat Hanh. When a person has a toothache, the pain is all consuming, and can deeply affect their quality of life. Same thing with a hangover, or a broken down car, or any other number of frustrating or painful circumstances.
Practicing gratitude literally makes us happier over time. It changes the neural pathways in our brain, and even if the circumstances of our life don’t change a bit, we can feel peace and rest in our abundance. This isn’t to say that we can’t acknowledge what fucking sucks, and take steps to address it. What we can do is a free, simple practice that takes just a few minutes out of our day, one that is scientifically proven to alter our brain chemistry and literally make us happier. For more information on the science of gratitude: click here.
I used to be all complaints. My life sucks, blah blah blah. Here’s everything that’s wrong. It is amazing to see this change in myself, and to see that even when life is really crashing down on me, that my brain defaults to see the great abundance and many resources I have. If you want to be happier, write down what you are grateful for every day. It can be super simple: I’m grateful my dog loves me, I’m grateful I have a bed to sleep in (what if you didn’t?), I’m grateful I can see, hear, and walk (what if you couldn’t?), I’m grateful I can read this wingnut recovery substack, I’m grateful I’m not hungover, etc. Before you know it, you’ll be getting little bursts of positive change, and gratitude will become your default mode.
And if we have less to complain about, and more gratitude, maybe there’s just a few less reasons to reach for a drink or drug.
May you be happy and free dear reader. I am grateful for you.
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